When I was a younger man, I was very stubborn. (Heck, I’m still pretty stubborn, but I have mellowed quite a bit.) I use the word “stubborn” the way most people might use the word “determined”. Only I took determined to the next level.
If I made up my mind to do something, I did it. No matter what. I would go to great lengths to follow through on the commitments I made to myself. Little or big, it didn’t matter. Easy or painful, it didn’t matter. Proton or neutron, it didn’t matter. I was going to get it done.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve tried to become more measured in my day to day living. I’ve tried to learn to relax a bit. Stop and smell the roses. I’ve tried to ease up on the constant pressure I’ve placed on myself over the years. I think these are good things overall. Life’s too short to be a tool.
It wasn’t until recently, however, that I realized it’s a fine line between learning to take it easy and becoming soft. One night, in the name of relaxation, I gazed a weary eye toward my unfinished to do list and told myself “It’s okay.” And I went to bed.
When I woke up the next morning, something didn’t feel quite right. What had happened?
I suddenly became very uneasy with the realization that I had given myself permission to give up. Hmmm. That was new. After recovering from this minor panic attack, I resolved to dial back a few notches toward the younger, more stubborn me.
Now, I’m not saying that it’s never okay to be tired, to be frustrated, to leave the office or go to bed with unfinished business, or to want to take a vacation to get away from it all. Those things are natural and healthy. What I am saying is that there is a difference between making a choice and making an excuse.
That’s the fine line. Cross it, and you risk slipping down a slope that’s … well … slippery. An excuse related to a minor item can turn into frustration and eventually disengagement. It’s a downward spiral that can take months or even years to recognize, much less overcome.
The way to avoid the problem or get on the road to recovery is the same: Set small goals and follow-through. Be determined to finish what you start. Be a little hard on yourself. Experience discomfort and persist. If you need to take some time off or a bit longer to complete a goal, that’s fine. But don’t stop until you’re done. Don’t give up and don’t make excuses.
If a tired, scared, or doubtful part of you asks your true self to “sit this one out”, just say “no way” and get back to work. It’s okay to be stubborn when success is on the line.