10 minutes may work for rice, but your success is going to take a bit more time.

Sure – go ahead and be driven. But at the same time, be patient. Put in the work, keep the faith, and it will happen. You’ll be on it like white on … oh, never mind.

When I was a younger man, I was very stubborn. (Heck, I’m still pretty stubborn, but I have mellowed quite a bit.) I use the word “stubborn” the way most people might use the word “determined”. Only I took determined to the next level.

If I made up my mind to do something, I did it. No matter what. I would go to great lengths to follow through on the commitments I made to myself. Little or big, it didn’t matter. Easy or painful, it didn’t matter. Proton or neutron, it didn’t matter. I was going to get it done.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve tried to become more measured in my day to day living. I’ve tried to learn to relax a bit. Stop and smell the roses. I’ve tried to ease up on the constant pressure I’ve placed on myself over the years. I think these are good things overall. Life’s too short to be a tool.

It wasn’t until recently, however, that I realized it’s a fine line between learning to take it easy and becoming soft. One night, in the name of relaxation, I gazed a weary eye toward my unfinished to do list and told myself “It’s okay.” And I went to bed.

When I woke up the next morning, something didn’t feel quite right. What had happened?

I suddenly became very uneasy with the realization that I had given myself permission to give up. Hmmm. That was new. After recovering from this minor panic attack, I resolved to dial back a few notches toward the younger, more stubborn me.

Now, I’m not saying that it’s never okay to be tired, to be frustrated, to leave the office or go to bed with unfinished business, or to want to take a vacation to get away from it all. Those things are natural and healthy. What I am saying is that there is a difference between making a choice and making an excuse.

That’s the fine line. Cross it, and you risk slipping down a slope that’s … well … slippery. An excuse related to a minor item can turn into frustration and eventually disengagement. It’s a downward spiral that can take months or even years to recognize, much less overcome.

The way to avoid the problem or get on the road to recovery is the same: Set small goals and follow-through. Be determined to finish what you start. Be a little hard on yourself. Experience discomfort and persist. If you need to take some time off or a bit longer to complete a goal, that’s fine. But don’t stop until you’re done. Don’t give up and don’t make excuses.

If a tired, scared, or doubtful part of you asks your true self to “sit this one out”, just say “no way” and get back to work. It’s okay to be stubborn when success is on the line.

Here’s a simple question: “Do you want to be successful in life?”

When faced with this question, I don’t know too many people who say, “No thanks. I’d prefer to sit here on the couch and watch reruns of Mama’s Family. I’m good.” I’m going to go under the assumption that if you’re here and you have a pulse, you want to be successful.

This leads to a question that’s not so simple: “What does success mean to you?”

If you ask somebody that question, you’re more likely to hear a few “um…”s and “well…”s. (Go ahead and try. I’ll wait here.) It’s an age-old conundrum. You want to be successful, but without being clear about what success looks like in your life, you’re putting our chances of being successful and happy at risk.

So what’s an attractive, achievement-oriented person to do?

Well, you could start with the mountains of self-help books, research, blog articles, and other helpful resources that examine the subject of personal success and life aspirations. Unfortunately, you probably don’t have enough time to read and absorb this information. You have a job, a family, a busy social agenda, and other commitments that keep you on the go. (Plus, Mama’s Family starts in 20 minutes.)

You need something small and simple to get you started. I’m going to try and distill 50 years of success research into a simple notion:

Define a goal > pursue the goal > be happy

Sure, we could make things more complicated, but why bother? If you do nothing more than “start at the beginning”, you’ll have already increased your chances of being successful in life.

So let’s start at the beginning. Let’s each declare an important personal goal. This is important for several reasons:

• Writing out your goal will ensure that it becomes tangible and not just a distant thought
• The process of defining the goal automatically leads to your development of task strategies and solutions in achieving it
• Your personal accountability – a key ingredient of success – will be increased by the semi-public declaration
• Putting your goal in this format opens a door for social support from other like-minded KAED fans
• Reading the goals submitted by others may increase your motivation and inspire you

That’s some pretty cool stuff!

So in the spirit of “keep it simple”, take a few seconds below and leave a comment telling the KAED crew what you’re working to accomplish right now.

Show us your goals!

This video is a great reminder that failing doesn’t mean you’re done. It means you’re just getting started.

Friend of the Blog @Sauccygrl looks fuly prepared for her first triathlon tomorrow, complete with KAED celebration shirt!

Way to go, @Saucygrrl!

Man, I did not want to get up this morning. I stayed up a bit later than I had wanted watching the Women’s Beach Volleyball Gold Medal match. (USA! USA!) When the alarm went off at 5:15AM, I squinted through bleary eyes and thought to myself, “You have got to be kidding me.”

Just a few hours prior, I had been looking forward to waking up. After watching Misty and Kerri dominate, I was thinking ahead to a brisk 5-mile before breakfast. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but when I was staring down the barrel of a snooze button it seemed like a bigger challenge than a 6′ 3″ Chinese shot blocker.

A bit of backstory seems in order. I’m not a great runner. I don’t enjoy running so much as I enjoy having ran. Even so, one of my life goals is to complete a marathon some day. Last weekend, I completed the 7-mile Falmouth Road Race. I figured I’d build on that momentum by incorporating some longer runs into my weekly routine.

Therein lies the rub down. In the future, I want to complete a 26.2-mile run. Up to now, I’ve been running 3 miles or so a few days a week. I’m no Steve Prefontaine, but even I know that won’t be enough to reach my goal.

That realization forced me to drag my ample, sorry butt out of bed. If I’m going to become a Marathon Man, I’m going to have to do the distance. Needing one last bit of motivation, I thought to myself, “What would Kerri Walsh do?” (Other than be, like, totally awesome.) I pulled on my bikini top and bottom, laced up my shoes, and stumbled toward the door.

I’m happy to report that once my legs got moving, my heart got pumping, and I thoroughly enjoyed the morning run.

This experience taught me two important lessons:

1. If the goal looms large enough, the small sacrifices along the way seem small by comparison.
2. USA! USA!

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“To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift.”

- Steve Prefontaine

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KAED

In a conversation today, an associate shared his philosophy on what it takes for teams to succed in business. The acronym he used to remind himself of key ingredients was easy enough to remember:

FAA

No, he wasn’t talking about the government agency in charge of airplanes. He was referring to a need for “Focus, Alignment, and Accountability”. He made a compelling argument that any employee needs these things to be successful in his or her job.

The more I pondered the FAA, I wondered how a government agency can allow airlines to regularly lose my luggage. The more I pondered the other FAA, the more I realized that these are essential elements for anyone who wants to achieve success in life.

Lift your tray table, fasten your seatbelt, and check this out:

• Focus. You can’t do it all. You’re allowed to have a hundred things you’d like to accomplish in life, but to make meaningful progress, you’ll need to prioritize a few first. Once you select the most worthy goal for action in the here and now, you need to keep that goal at the forefront until it’s complete.
• Alignment. Make sure your goals line up with your personal values. If you’ve taken on a goal that is out of kilter, you’ll struggle to find the long-term energy and commitment you’ll need to achieve it. Better to spend time up front making sure you know what you’re all about (this just in – you rock!) and that your goals flow naturally from your interests.
• Accountability. Nobody can make you successful but you. It’s too easy to hide or to convince others that you’re doing the things you need to do to win. You need to hold yourself accountable and make sure that you have a plan and are that you’re making good progress toward it every day.

That simple acronym may not capture all of the things you need to succeed (I’d add support, flexibility, and the chance to celebrate milestones along the way) but it’s still a handy guide that hits some pretty key points.

So the thought of the day is to remember FAA and to get ready to soar to new heights.

Now, that’ll be $5 for those peanuts. Correct change, please.

I witnessed two memorable athletic performances yesterday – both of them of the aquatic variety. The first was Michael Phelps‘ shattering any and all Olympic achievements when the US relay team helped him win his 8th gold of the 2008 Olympic Games. Millions of people stayed up late to witness this bit of history and cheer along the 23-year old Phelps in his quest for Olympic immortality.

The second event was seen by far fewer people, but it left an impression on me nonetheless. Yesterday saw Race Day at the Craigville Beach Association near my home on Cape Cod. Groups of kids 5-years old and under, 6 to 9, and 10 and over competed in a variety of swimming and beach races and competitions. Even some adults (including my lovely bride) got in on the act.

Noodle Race

What amazed me was the sheer joy and determination these young kids demonstrated. As the youngest group gathered in the chute before the starting gun, they were giggling and abuzz with excitement. They were absolutely living in the moment and ready to take on the course. Their mission? Get on a floating noodle and flail about over a distance of about 10 meters.

Now, this may seem a far cry from Olympic stardom. Still, as I watched Phelps emerge from the locker room with his teammates later that night, I couldn’t help but think of the similarities between the two events and their respective athletes. Sure, the pressures of a global audience and the bragging rights of a nation weren’t a part of the little swimmers’ world, but there were still similarities. The intensity, the excitement, the unknown outcome – differences existed only in a matter of degree.

The real similarities could be seen after the race, however. Phelps cheered the anchor of the US relay all the way until fingertips touched wall. At that point, he turned into a 5-year old kid again. His face bore the same pure elation as that I saw from those kids I saw on the beach earlier that day. He raised his lanky arms high into the sky, clasped his hands to his face, and he hugged his mum. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen that, either.

The excitement and the thrill of victory transcend Beijing, Cape Cod, and any other specific context. I believe that Phelps’ genuine passion for the sport and the nature of healthy competition drive him to train, to believe in himself, and ultimately to win. While it’s true that few if any of the kids who competed at CBA will go on to Olympic gold, a glimpse into their pure engagement and joy in participating in Race Day reminds us of one of the key ingredients to success in any walk of life:

Whatever you do, enjoy the crap out of it. (To quote Confucius…)

You have to truly enjoy what you do in order to enjoy the success of an Olympic athlete or a 5-year old swimmer. Pure joy, living in the moment, giving your all – each of these things is only possible when you’re able to align your values, your essence, and your activities.

When it all comes together, it’s something to behold.

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Do you love what you do? Do you need to love what you do in order to achieve lasting success in life?

Great post over at Lifehack.org about the 10 skills needed for success. Worth at least a quick review, and then, perhaps, some deep thinking and self assessment.

Can you identify your strengths and weaknesses? Can you find ways to build the skills you need? Can you share your strengths with someone else to help them achieve?

Of course you can. You KAED!

This week, I’m in Dallas, TX at the August Capella University Colloquium. This is my final residency for my Psychology PhD program, and collquium is a great time to get re-energized, learn some great new things, and exchange ideas with new people.

For me, that’s where the problem can often set in.

I’m not a naturally social guy. With small groups or close friends, I can interact well, but I’m still shy and not-so-good at the whole networking thing. The prospect of spending a week with a few thousand folks is something I admit that I don’t always relish.

Here’s the rub: Failing to network and meet new people could put my future goals at risk, and is therefore unacceptable.

Hmmm. What’s a shy guy to do? I can’t simply not be a bit on the shy side. It wouldn’t be terribly helpful to just pretend that I’m naturally gregarious. Still, I need to do a better job of opening up and meeting some new folks. Sharing ideas, stories, support, business cards, and a meal or two may really help me today and tomorrow.

I decided to give myself a constructive personal challenge. My micro-goal is to have substantive conversations with three new people every day I’m here. It’s a manageable goal, and it still moves me in the right direction. (Just not too far all at once.)

I’m happy to report that today (Day 1) I’ve already achieved my goal. (And it’s not even 1:30PM yet!) I made it a point to introduce myself to some new folks and interact with them about their research topics. I chatted up folks from the Business school and Health and Human Services. I met a Psych student, and even got him excited about the growing potential of coaching for his target population. (Hooray me!)

I’m not about to make excuses for myself, and I won’t be the life of the party any time soon, but I’m glad that a micro-goal has helped me come out of my shell just a teeny bit. The name of the game is personal improvement, and that’s a mission I can gladly accept.

Can you think of a recent situation where a micro-goal was helpful in your life? If not, can you think of some personal aspiration that could be served by a micro-goal? Don’t bogart the good stuff, let us know about it below!